The Days Valentine Never Celebrated
by Stein's Bolt
Summary: Valentine discovers all these new holidays that he's never heard of before. After consulting Ithuriel, he goes out and celebrates these strange holidays. Please Review. Feedback wanted.
1. Valentine's Day Special

**The Day Valentine **_**Never **_**Celebrated**

_Valentines Day Special_

Valentine's POV

_Italics: _Ithuriel

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Valentine grumbled softly as he padded down the steps that led to the eerie basement. The boards groaned under his weight as he entered the little make shift workspace, oils and concoctions of all sorts bubbling and gurgling as the fire licked up the sides of canisters. Black demon blood moved like tar under the flame like tar, tough and sticky when hot. He frowned, examining the burning demon blood absently, mind going a million miles an hour in a different direction. Without thinking, he glanced at the gleaming angel blood as it festered under the open torch. It swelled and retracted, growing then shrinking as it danced around, taking forms of different angels or animals, swirling.

The angel blood, ichor as some called it, formed into many different shapes: a yapping dog that bounded around, a character that looked incredibly like Jonathan Shadowhunter in prayer, and finally, it swelled into a beating heart.

He knew what a heart was. He had had plenty of subjects, animal and human, that had hearts. But this heart wasn't the kind with chambers and an aorta. This kind was the one that Valentine had been seeing for the past month: the kind with two curved tops and a spiked end. He frowned, observing the little thing beat and writhe before it morphed into a sword, swiping at an unknown enemy.

Sighing, Valentine kicked his feet up watching his vials and parts sizzle and hiss. "Ithuriel?" he called over his shoulder.

The scraping of chains rang out, shackles clanging together. The weak form of a human sat just out of view, cloaked in shadows. Two wings were plastered against his back, shameful at their ragged appearance. He turned towards him, instinct telling him to flinch away. Gauze were around his eyes, form bloodied and haggard. His weak angelic voice filled the room, _Yes, what is it, Valentine?_

He swiveled around in his chair, looking at the captured angel, "What is this day of love I keep hearing about. I saw flowers and strange packages and odd floating parcels that had pictures or words on them. And everywhere I went, people just kept saying my name. I knew that I was infamous, but I had no idea that they had a whole day named after me! What an honor!" He laughed, joyous and jolly at the good news.

Ithuriel scoffed, _It isn't named after you. It is a holiday that celebrates the noble Saint Valentine who married couples in secret against the law. This Valentine's Day celebrates love that we are now lucky enough to have._

Valentine looked away, huffing, "I like my idea better." He pretended not to be interested in anything the angel said or did, but now he had gotten himself into dangerous territory. Valentine was now curious. And once he was curious, he had to have the answer, or he would hurt himself trying.

"So," he said nonchalantly, trying to not act like any of this irked him at all. "What do these silly mortals do on this silly holiday?"

He sighed, _you're curious, aren't you?"_

Scoffing, Valentine shook his head, "Uh, no way. I was just wandering that if I was mortal, what would I do to my mortal comrades who also shared this mortal holiday, and how would I act if I, a mortal, were to do something as a mortal on the mortal world. Like a mortal. From a mortal's point of view. For science…" He paused, "… Mortal…"

The angel fixed him in a blind gaze, the look basically saying that he didn't believe Valentine one bit.

He sighed, "Alright! Yes, I'm curious. Just tell me…" he whined.

Ithuriel released a low breath, _Fine. The holiday was originally to celebrate being able to be a couple. Now, mortals buy chocolates or roses and send cards or do romantic things for the people they love. That's about it. Complete waist of time and resources. _

"So, what your saying is that I must go out there and see for myself what this holiday that shares my name is-"

_I never said that-_

"-And I must go spend all of my time and resources to get gifts-"

_What? I never told you that-_

"-And you told me to go get cards for everyone I love and send them out tonight-"

_Where do you get this stuff from?-_

"-It's brilliant! Your idea is brilliant, angel. That is what my quest for today shall entail!" He declared, sounding as serious as a soldier at battle.

Ithuriel sighed, leaning against the cool brick wall, _I don't really care what you do today. Just leave me out of it. _

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Hours later, Valentine returned home with an arsenal of streamers, hearts and confetti. He busied himself around the lair, sprucing stuff up by placing bows, ribbons or anything with a heart or pink on it. Confetti scattered on the ground as streamers hung loosely like red and pink vines. He slid a box of chocolates over to Ithuriel, braiding rose petals into both of their golden blonde hair.

Valentine went completely overboard for Valentine's Day, everything decked out for one day of the year, and the guy didn't even have someone that he loved. This was too much.

After finishing his decorations, Valentine sat in his chair, eyes glued to an old wall clock as it ticked away the seconds. Ithuriel sighed, knowing that he would regret this.

_What are you doing? _He asked him.

"Waiting for Valentine's Day to come tomorrow." He answered as if it was simple.

The angle resisted the urge to face palm. _Why don't you go and start writing all those cards. I'm sure that _everybody _loves you, _he said sarcastically_._

Valentine rushed over to his desk, taking out all the notes he had bought. He looked around, "Who to write to first… Oh! What about Jace!"

He started scribbling down words, reading aloud:

"Dearest Jace,

How are you handling the idea that you weren't my son, or a demon, or Clary's brother? Must suck. But trying to get with your 'sister'? Nice. INCEST ALL THE WAY. Lol, but jk. Not really. I'd tap that.

Signed Your Ex Father of Awesomeness

Valentine Morgenstern"

"Done!" he smiled, sealing that envelope. "Next… Shall be Jocelyn!"

_I don't think that's how cards are supposed to go-_

"Dearest Jocelyn,

I still can't understand why we broke up. Sure I fed our children blood and then killed a ton of people, including your parents and turned your now fiancé into a werewolf and stuff like that. So what I summoned a few demons? That's normal in this world. So just grab a wall and twerk it out sister.

From Swagmaster

Valentine Morgenstern"

Ithuriel cleared his throat, _Valentine, these notes are highly inappropriate and so unpredictable. This isn't how-_

It didn't matter, Valentine was off to the next one:

"Dearest Jonathan,

How's being a demon treating you? Death must rock right? I wouldn't know. Sorry about all the demon blood you had put into you, but you know how it is. YOLO, right dude? Lol totally. Well, in your case I guess it's YOLALADDKRY. That stands for You Only Live As Long As Dumb Demons Keep Reviving You.

Signed the dude who is the master at messing with people

Valentine Morgenstern

P.S. You tried to get with Clary too? Incest must be in this season."

_… Valentine, what is this-_

"Dearest Luke,

Sorry for that bite… LOL NOT.

Signed with a Troll Face

Valentine Morgenstern"

"Best for last!" Valentine laughed, opening a new letter:

"Dearest Clary

Both your brothers, huh? Nice. I heard that you're quite the prize. We've got to try this incest thing next time we chat. Sorry for being such a bad father. LOL PYSHCE! I'm an awesome father. #swagalicious Morningstarkillz

With Love From Most Awesome Dad Ever

Valentine Morgenstern."

Ithuriel sat in stunned silence, just watching, _I honestly have no idea what is going on. Valentine, where did you learn all of that mortal lingo?_

Valentine smirked, glancing over at him, holding up an urban dictionary, "Girl, I picked it up when I got all the decorations."

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So Valentine's Day rolled around and Valentine had all the notes mailed out, quietly enjoying the day that bore his name. He never did anything, just sitting and waiting for his mail to arrive. It never came. He didn't receive any flowers or chocolates and he sat, just waiting.

Valentine stayed up all night until Valentine's Day was officially over at 12:01, and then sighed, plopping down in his chair. "Ithuriel? Why does everybody hate me?"

Even though the angel had been captured, tortured and blinded by this cruel man, he couldn't shake the pitiful voice of him as he sat. _… Nobody hates you. The mail is just overloaded with love letters. That's all._

Valentine looked up, "Really? You think so?"

_Sure._

He looked a little better, but still wasn't truly convinced or energetic anymore.

Ithuriel didn't know why he felt suddenly like he had to cheer up the dangerous little man, but he did. Sighing, he cleared his throat, _I know what always lifts your spirits._

Valentine looked up expectantly, gazing at him.

Clearing his throat, Ithuriel stretched out his winds, all the eyes blinking and shuddering from nonuse. His curly golden hair shimmered and his pale skin flexed as he moved. In a low voice, he slowly started to sing, his voice filling the large room, _But you make me feel like,_

_I've been locked out of Heaven_

_For too long- _He held out the last note and Valentine clapped, laughing.

Ithuriel sighed, lying back against the bricks. For both of their sakes, he wished that Valentine never celebrated Valentine's Day ever again.

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(A/N) So what did you think? This was supposed to just be a little funny One shot of Valentine discovering Valentine's Day. It's stupid now that I look back over it. If you liked it fav/follow and tell me if you liked it or not. Feedback wanted. Review please.


	2. Valentine's Day: Reactions

**The Days Valentine **_**Never **_**Celebrated**

_**Valentine's Day:**__** Reactions**_

(Disclaimer: I do not own anything)

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_Currently at the Institute_

Clary had stepped outside for the moment on February 15th, going to get the mail from the day before. She personally didn't care for Valentine's Day for two reasons:

She's never had a boyfriend to enjoy it with. After too many Valentine's Days alone, she started to kinda hate the thing.

The whole day, she recently discovered, shared the same name with her crazy, psychotic, psychopath that infused everybody with some kind of blood.

Sorry, but not her thought of romantic.

But now that Clary did have a boyfriend, Valentine's Day was kinda awesome. Jace had let her take the entire week off of training, which was a huge relief for her. And for every hour she was supposed to be training, they were doing what interested them at the time. Which did include romantic picnics, movies all cuddled up on her couch, and lots, _and she meant _lots, of kissing.

Thumbing through the letters as she glanced through the post, her gaze caught and lingered on a bundle of notes. All of which were signed in large fluent letters and pressed closed with a glossy wax seal. _Valentine Morgenstern _was scribed across the letters in a very fancy script, and each having a little hand drawn evil cat face (which looks like this }:3) on each of them. Clary blanched at the sight of them, growing pale as she dropped the other parts of the mail around her, running inside, "Jace!" she called, voice getting a high pitch at her nervousness.

Jace bounded down the hallways, racing over to her with Isabelle and Alec hot on his heels. He wrapped his arms around her, scooping her close to his chest, "What's the matter, Clary? What happened?" He stroked her hair, his British voice thrumming through his chest.

Feeling better, she pressed a tiny kiss on Jace's chin before handing him the letter. Jace's face fell slack, looking back at Clary. "Is this some sick joke?"

She shrugged, pulling away and hugging herself, "I don't know. The letters were in the mail, and I-I just pulled them out."

He held out a letter towards her, hands shaking, "There's one for each of us. This one is addressed to you."

Gulping, Clary gently tore the letter open, pulling out the thin parchment inside. She began to read, eyes wide and quivering, but with each sentence, her mouth dropped more and more. Slowly she looked up to meet Jace's worried gaze.

"What is it?" he asked. "Did he threaten you? Clary speak to me."

Without a word, she just shook her head and handed him the note. After he read it, he looked back at her, and they shared identical looks of anger and mortification. "By the Angel… Did… Did he really just use a hashtag?"

Clary nodded grimly, "And then he added it to Morningstarkillz…"

"He says that he wants to," he gulped down a lump of dread that had formed in his throat. "He wants to try that incest thing with you…"

She shook her head and stared down at her feet, having never felt so mortified before. "… What does yours say?"

Jace literally ripped his open angrily, yanking the contents out. He growled as he read it, eyes flitting between lines. By the end his face was so red you could practically see the smoke lifting off of him. He grunted, ripping the letter apart. "Oh that little-"

(**Please excuse this interruption. The exclamation of Jace Wayland cannot be shown at this time due to inappropriate languages, inappropriate gestures of the hands, body or hair, and numerous sexual innuendos.)**

o0o

_(Currently In Sebastian's Lair)_

Sebastian Verlac sat in a dark and misty lair, the room as black as his eyes and his hair was pale in contrast against the dark. He lifted his head as he heard a ripple through the room, a _schick _sound that went through the darkness, which made him grab for a candle and light the wick.

On the desk was a yellow envelope with a glistening red waxy Morgenstern symbol on it. Sebastian released a sigh. "Oh what now?" He played with the letter, slicing it open with a hunting dagger. Without enthusiasm, he read the note.

All of the color in his pigments drained at the words, the power of his father rendering him, the almighty Sebastian Verlac, speechless.

He put his hands on his head, wiping off his face, sighing a little at the foolishness, "What is this? Some sort of sadistic joke, most likely. I wouldn't put it past him."

With no remorse in his black eyes, he placed the note over the open flame of a candle, watching the yellowed parchment burst to slow flames. He watched the fire with vague interest, "When he dies, I shall experience joy for the first time."

o0o

_(Currently At Luke's Warehouse)_

Luke sat at a table, trembling as he looked upon the notes. "Jocelyn," he called gently.

He pushed up his sleeves, running a hand though his wavy hair after he fixed his glasses. Jocelyn came up behind her husband, wrapping her arms loosely around him from behind to bend over and kiss his forehead. She groomed his hair back, "Yes, what is it darling?"

Jocelyn expected a long and drawn out explanation about Luke's grief, she knew because she'd come to love the man, yet words never slipped from the werewolf's mouth. All he did, was simply hold up the letter.

Confused, and unknowingly, Jocelyn read the note.

With absolutely no emotion as her eyes flicked across the words, she slowly dropped it. "What the…" She looked at the table to see another note in front of Luke, torn open by teeth or claws. "Was yours as bad as mine?"

The sight she met was a Luke in werewolf form, widow's peak racing down his brow, teeth bared, claws unsheathed, his big bushy muttons of fur along his jaw, and ear arced into points. He growled, "Let's kill him."

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A/N: This is the reviews for the Valentine's day one, and I have a few notes to make.

The review will always be shorter than the Valentine segment, I hope you don't mind.

I am currently working on a St. Patrick's version. It should be out soon.

I will make one of these and a review for each holiday.

Please fav/follow and review. It makes my day.


	3. St Patrick's Day

**The Day Valentine **_**Never **_**Celebrated**

_St. Patrick's Day Special_

Valentine's POV

_Italics: _Ithuriel

(Disclaimer: I own nothing)

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Valentine burst through the doors of his lab, taking the stairs two at a time. His face was a bright red, white hair tousled. He plopped down in his chair with a great huff, steam practically rising off his irritated form. He watched his tables of experiments, trying to calm himself as he watched the demon and angel blood wrestle. He released another huff, brooding as he swept a hand through his disgruntled hair. Even though he was slowly calming, he still looked as red as a sunburnt lobster. Releasing yet another huff / grunt, he stared back at the demon blood. It started writhing and converting in the glass sphere. It started to make shapes again. First, it was a mini Valentine himself, then it was a racing dark horse. Valentine sighed boredly, glancing back at the blood with no amusement on his face. With the blood's final transformation, it convulsed into a tiny teetering leprechaun that gallivanted around its glass domain. Suddenly Valentine's eyes grew wide and he released a high pitched shrill shriek, falling back in his chair, making a thud on the ground.

Ithuriel jolted awake, shimmering hair hanging limp in his eyes, its shine dim and without its usual sheen. He hardly moved, sending trembles through his chains, the links making a loud rusty clang. Stretching out his sore muscles, his ivory skin covered in hulking lacerations and throbbing bruises. His pale limbs were skinny even through his angelic bodice, bones showing through the alabaster flesh. He looked over at Valentine with his dull white eyes, silver glinting his eyelashes, stretching out his dirty, broken wings as he sighed. _What is it now? _The heavenly voice reverberated through the white haired Nephilim's mind.

Valentine sat up abruptly, looking over at the shady corner that housed the earthbound angel. He pointed at the little ebony figure of a leprechaun that was doing a jig, "That foul creature has been everywhere I've been today! I went to the store, his face is on boxes. I walk down the street, I see him on billboards. I go to the restroom, and there's clovers everywhere! He tried to bribe me with promises of rainbows and pots of gold… DON'T TAKE THE GOLD, ITHURIEL! IT WAS ALL A PLOY! Valentine Morgenstern curses the 17th of March, the date when men are haunted by ghastly Irish apparitions with red hair and cursed green attire!"

Ithuriel sighed, _You're a hopeless idiot I hope you know._

Valentine looked up from his rant, blinking and staring at the angel like a confused child.

_No blood sucking leprechaun is going to jump out of the shadows, kill you, then just run off, clicking his heels in victory._

The Nephilim's lip quivered, "No… Say it isn't true…" He sounded scared and devastated. "They can click their heels too?"

Ithuriel sighed, wishing he could face-palm himself. Sadly, the shackles prevented it. _That's not what I meant, you ignorant sap. I'm trying to make a point that your theories are completely incoherent and stupid. Nobody is going to harm you today._

"Not true!" Valentine shouted, turning to face the imprisoned man, "I've been assaulted numerous times today. By many people!"

_Oh yeah? _The angel scoffed. _What did they do?_

The other man wrapped himself in a hug, "… They pinched me… BECAUSE I WASN'T WEARING GREEN!Minions of the leprechaun, I'm telling you! Why would I wear such a cursed color?"

The angel released another sigh, _Moron. What those people are doing is celebrating a holiday, St. Patrick's Day, you idiot._

He blinked. "A holiday? St. Patrick's Day? What on earth is that?"

_It is a holiday that celebrates Saint Patrick, as it is called, The Feast of Saint Patrick. The date marks the date of Saint Patrick's death, who was Ireland's patron saint, and this is how they remember him. The holiday is also for the introduction of Christianity to Ireland and the overall heritage and community of the Irish. But now, _he released a breath. _I'm afraid most celebrate it with leprechauns and clovers. Now a days on St. Patrick's day it has turned into some game that if you don't wear green you get pinched. Also, since people associate drinking with Ireland, everybody makes plans to get drunk. It's sad really, to see what has become of this religious holiday that comes the 17__th__ of March._

Valentine pursed his lips, looking at the other man with a faint look of surprise, "You seem pretty into religion."

Ithuriel gave a sad smile, _Well, I'm an angel after all. It's kinda in the contract._

The Nephilim man stroked his non-existent beard, deep in thought as he paced the floor in front of the captured Ithuriel. He suddenly stopped, snapped his fingers, eyes brightened and swimming with an idea, "I got it." He said, " I think I understand why you told me all that. It suddenly became clear to me."

_Good, _Ithuriel actually chuckled with relief. _Because usually your thick head can't ever process anything I say and you go do something stupid without thinking. I'm just glad you've finally become rational-_

Valentine hit his fist into the palm of his hand, looking triumphant, "The whole time you were telling me to be a stereotypical white person and grossly undermine the significance of the holiday with large purchases of green things and leprechauns!"

The angel deflated all hope, Ithuriel sagging back against the wall, _ Forget what I was saying before. He's back._

Valentine glanced over, "But, I am surely rather confused about this holiday still. I have no idea where to start. Perhaps…" He inched forward, slowly going towards the defeated man before him. Ever so quietly, he pinched him on the arm.

The Nephilim squealed like a little school girl, prancing away from the angel and squeaked in excitement. Ithuriel raised his head, completely bewildered by the other man's act, _By the angels, what in the world was that?_

"You weren't wearing anything green, Ithuriel!" He laughed. "You should've been prepared! It is St. Patty's day after all."

Ithuriel sighed, curling up closer in his dark little corner, _You idiot. I can't wear anything green because I'm naked._

Valentine smirked, "Not my problem."

Face-palming, the angel groaned because he was burdened with this man child of a Nephilim, _You're such a moron._

"Hey, no need for name calling! I have no idea what else I'm supposed to do on this wretched holiday!"

_Go get drunk like every other American!_

Valentine's eyes lit up in a twinkle and he clasped his hands together, "Yes, I think I will do that. That sounds like a marvelous idea. I've always wanted to try alcohol."

Ithuriel sighed, _I hope you get so hammered that God will just kill you there._

o0o

The brisk night air of March still hung with bitterness of the cold from the previous winter a few months before. Even at ten o'clock, people were already out partying and waddling home drunk. Valentine paced down a sidewalk, white hair caught in the gentle breeze, looking elegant in Shadowhunter black. He murmured to himself, "Hmm. Where to get drunk? Where to get drunk…?" He looked around, searching for a beacon of alcohol.

His eyes landed on a flashing sign that read, "Hardcore Liquor- Buy one beer, get the other- FREE." Valentine grinned, "Yay! I'm going to get drunk!"

o0o

It was now exactly 3:46 a.m. in a little pub that goes by the name of Hardcore Liquor." Most of the customers had left at two to go dance at some clubs nearby. Now all that was left in the bar were some passed out people and some hammered guys drinking at the bar. At the center of the men, the most drunk and most wasted one, was dear old Valentine. He downed a beer, pale skin as red as he was intoxicated, "Another!" He shouted. He sat back down, belching. "I love my family so much, man… Hey! Imma call em and tell em." So this is precisely what Valentine did. He picked up his phone, scrolling through the contacts, drunk calling everyone there.


	4. St Patrick's Day: Reactions

**The Days Valentine **_**Never **_**Celebrated**

**St. Patrick's Day**

_**Reactions**_

(Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING)

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Clary walked through the drunken bodies and filth of Magnus Bane's mansion. It was early in the morning, too early to be walking around in bright places. Though, Clary hadn't gotten as wasted as the drunkards passed out on the floor, she did have a few drinks and had ventured out to get some water to help relieve her stupor. Today marked the 18th of March which of course meant Magnus had thrown a killer St. Patrick's Day party- with actual leprechauns too! Making her way around the glittery dance floor, Clary veered off into the hallway that was a little less crowded, but not by much. Finally she got to their room and entered the intimate, secluded place Magnus had allotted them.

Jace was passed out on the couch, hung over from the previous night. His blonde hair was frizzed up and flayed up around his head like the wild mane of a lion. Clothes hung off him in filthy tatters, his runes snaking up his tan arms and torso like a living creature. Snoring softly, his mouth hung open, green sharpie drawings all over his face making him look like a man with a beard. For some reason he was missing a shoe (but instead wore a lamp shade on his right foot), in his pocket was a glass eye that still moved, on his arm was a tube sock that went up to his shoulder, and around his head was someone's tie like a bandana with a candlestick sticking out to resemble a crude form of a unicorn. He stank of faerie kisses and ogre breath, which was only second compared to the overpowering stench of alcohol that wafted off of him. Clary smirked a little to herself. Say what you want about his arrogance, but Jace Wayland could drink.

Releasing a content sigh, the redhead set the glass of water by Jace then moved his legs out of the way so she could sit on the couch. Now feeling bad for the awkward position she'd left Jace in, she moved her boyfriend's feet up into her lap, gently resting her hand on the back of his calf earning a snore from the hammered Shadowhunter. Clary rolled her eyes and picked up her phone, scrolling through the messages. Her face slowly paled when she saw the latest message, a missed call from none other then Valentine Morgernstern. Checking to make sure that Jace was asleep, she hesitantly hit on Valentine's voicemail, and slowly put the phone up to her ear. The voicemail was loud. Before anyone even spoke, loud music played and some drunken men were singing off key to the shanty. Then, without warning, Valentine suddenly screamed, "CLARY!" causing the girl to drop the phone, startled. After a breath to calm herself, she raised the phone once again.

"How are ya, little homewreckah?! *hiccup* Still pleadin' incest? I bet… you is! HA! Jus' like yam udder…" He drabbled on something about the weather having an affect on the hormones of dolphins. Then Valentine proceeded to sing, "I love you, you love me-" and without meaning to, the drunk man rhymed while making a comment to himself. "Oh dear god, I hafta pee…"

The man paused, and Clary listened on for whatever reason she had to at the moment. After a long minute, Valentine gave a sigh of relief, and said, "Not anymore." And with that classy remark, the man hung up. Putting the phone down, she stared at the device in disbelief, mouth agape in shock. She flicked Jace's phone on to see if he got the something. "8 missed calls from Darth Vader" and "Darth Vader voicemail." Sighing, she looked down at her unconscious boyfriend.

Clary shoved Jace, "Wake up. My father called." All she got in response was a slightly louder snore. "Jace Wayland Morgenstern Lightwood Herondale, you better answer me," she looked down at the ice water that she'd brought him for when he woke, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Picking up the cup, and dumped the ice water all over his sleeping form.

Jace bolted up, swinging around, looking like a startled ninja. He shifted, wiping the water out of his eyes, trying to look at her with blood strained eyes, "By the Angel, Clary, why on earth would you-"

She put a finger up to his lips, blinking away the alcohol that waved off his breath, "Shh, don't speak, please. Darth Vader called you. And left a voicemail."

Jace rubbed a hand down his face, smearing some of the green sharpie, "Really?" He sighed, "Alright, just let me see the phone, then." He pressed a button and lifted the phone up to his face, eyes droopy.

Even Clary heard the first thing of the voicemail which included Valentine shouting, "HEEEY!" Jace fumbled with the phone, almost dropping it before pulling it back up to his ear, rubbing his temple to attempt to attempt to get the headache the shout had caused out. "Can you hear meh? Eh, your loss, buddy… Do you know that Bloody Maries are really… relleh… good? I've had like, let's see, one, two, C, seven, Flurfle… 12 of them! I've had twelve of them… Oh! And about that incest thing, when can we meet up, 'cuz I'mma free, well, actually I gotta warrant just 'bout yander, but yea… Wait, are you the one that I's gonna do incest with…? It was one of my children, but as many illegitimate kiddies I have, I-I don't really know… Any way, call meh." With that goodbye, the grown Nephilim belched and hung up.

Jace immediately dropped the phone, stomping on it with the foot that had the lamp on it. He looked up at Clary, shaking his head, "That man is the stupidest man alive! BULLOCKS! Ow!" He clutched his head, his own shouting giving his hangover induced body a painful head ache. He fell onto the couch where Clary set, leaning against her he pursed his lips for a kiss, "Give me some sugar to make me feel better-"

Clary put a hand up, stopping him, and placing some breath mints in his lap, "I've give you some mint and help you _smell _better." She sat there, shirt over her nose, gazing at him, "Sorry, babe, but you stink."

o0o

Simon was currently lying with Isabelle in their own room, watching over her as she slept. Uncharacteristically, she hadn't wanted to party and simply brought them some alcohol and they spent the night together, her drinking and him listening to her ramble on drunkly. Seeing as Simon was a vampire and didn't need to sleep or drink, he was wide awake, one arm around Isabelle who was all curled into him, the other hand playing Flappy Birds on his phone. He was extremely concentrated, trying to go for a new high score of 650, his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he tried to focus. He was wiggling in anticipation as he passed 600, on a high to finish the game and get to a great high score. Just as he was about reach 649, his phone lagged because he got a voicemail, and the little bird hit the tube and fell to the ground. Simon sputtered in rage, shouting loudly, "Stupid little bird! Who freaking called me?! I'm going to kill them in their sleep."

Isabelle stirred, clutching her head, "Ouch, babe. Please stop shouting." She looked up, then rolled on top of him, sleepily resting her chin on his chest to gaze up at him, "What's the matter?"

The young vampire suddenly frowned, becoming serious as he saw his phone. "I got a voicemail from Valentine."

Isabelle grew silent, waiting on him to play it. He put it on speaker allowing it to play. A hazy voice of Valentine came on.

"Ey!" Valentine laughed, voice carrying loudly. "Steven, right? Whatever, you naughty bat. Ey. So how'd you get such a hot girlfriend, anyway? I mean, ya look like a, uh, big loser." He paused to laugh, "You had a big crush on Clary too, didinya? Isshe like boy nip or somethin? OH! And Steven's hotty McHottersen, if you be listening, you have a fan. Mewow." He made a cat noise then hung up.

Simon looked confused at the phone, "Um. My name is Simon…"

Isabelle sat up, gazing down at Simon, "What an old perverted man. Did he just hit on me? I mean, thanks for the compliment, but I have a boyfriend." With that she leaned down and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

The pale vampire looked at her, and got a red blush over his cheeks. He cleared his throat, and then when he spoke his voice cracked like he was still going through puberty, "Heck yeah, you do."

o0o

Alek was up and about the morning after St. Patrick's Day, having not gotten as drunk as his boyfriend, Magnus. The young Shadowhunter went around cleaning up their room and preening like a peacock. He glanced over at his boyfriend.

Magnus was wrecked, passed out on their lofty king bed with his limbs spread out every which way. A blanket covered from his waist down pillows all around him as he breathed quietly, chest rising up and down. He was shirtless (of course) and Alek was beginning to think that was the only way the warlock could sleep. Yellow light sifted through their curtain and fell down on the sleeping form of Magnus, the tan of his bare skin. And on his face, right over his eyes, nose, and mouth was the warlock's cat, Chairman Meow, dozing softly.

Alek smiled, taking a picture, "Aw. That's too cute." He went into the kitchen, messing with his phone. His smile slowly faded away, looking at his calls. "A missed call? From who?" He put it on speaker, beginning to wash some dishes.

Valentine boomed through the speakers, "Ey! Gay boys! Hahaha, that's funny because you're homosexuals. But ANYGAYS, I wanted to stop by and gay hi." He giggled, purposely mixing the word 'gay' into any other world that rhymed. "Gay I have another? Whatcha gay?" He busted out laughing, clinking his glass, "Ah, I'm funny. You're a gaaaay… And the world is… SQUARE!" With that, the call ended.

Alek stared blankly at the phone, dumbfounded, "What... What just happened?"

Magnus walked in half asleep, only in underwear and Chairman Meow was nestled in his hair, loyally purring. He rubbed his eyes, "What on earth was the meaning of him? The call disturbed Chairman Meow."

Alek smiled, "Valentine's just drunk." He stopped what he was doing.

The warlock sighed, his sleepy curved eyes opening, "He's so retarded. Deprived little man."

Rolling his eyes, he placed a kiss on Magnus's cheek, "Whatever let's just go lay back down." He headed off for the bedroom, Magnus looking after him.

The warlock yawned, then checked his phone. It read "1 voicemail from That Weird Guy." Magnus sighed and shook his head. He played it quietly. It was simply a three second voicemail of Valentine saying, "Ha, GAAAAAY!"

"What is it?" Alek called.

"Nothing," he clicked off the phone, going into the bedroom, "just go back to bed."

o0o

Sebastian strolled down a remote alley in Paris, whistling softly under his breath. Two men hugged each other as they drunkly stumbled home. He shook his head, "Tch. Mortals."

He prowled like a predator, black eyes scanning the landscape and pale hair covered by his hat. He made it back to his lair, walking in and shedding his coat and hat, in a black shirt and black jeans. Running his hand through his hair, he sat at his desk, examining his sleek features in the mirror, a candle flickering beside him. Picking up a knife, he began to clean his teeth with it, checking his phone with the other hand. Sighing, he saw the voicemail and lifted it to his ear to hear it.

Valentine started off by laughing, "K, sooo, I hear this song earlier, and I wah thinking it wah your song. Soooo, I made a remixizzle fer you. Listen closer, dip thong, Imma bout to sing." He cleared his throat, then belted out, "I'm friends wit the monstah, I made in my bed,

Cuz you're just a boy who's messed up in the head,

He's not loyal to me, he wants me dead,

He thinks I'm crazy, he thinks I'm crazy,

So join the group." Valentine began to echo himself drunkenly, at which that point, Sebastian lowered the phone from his ear. His agile form sprang up from his seat, hand tightening on the blade, and he threw the knife across the room towards a dart board that had Valentine's face in the middle. The knife whizzed through the air and hit right between the eyes.

Sebastian growled under his breath, "He shall die."

o0o

Luke and Jocelyn were riding around in the morning, with Jocelyn driving since Luke was still hung over. He stroked his beard and combed his hair to try and look presentable. Jocelyn smiled over at him, all dressed in her painting overalls with her hair up, "Is the Wolfman preening his look?"

The werewolf chuckled, taking hold of her hand and placing a kiss on it, "Better to attract you with, my dear."

She rolled her eyes and pushed him lightly on the chest, "You animal."

He laughed at that, straightening his glasses and plaid shirt. "Surprisingly human." As they lulled into another silence of just enjoying each other's company, the alpha began to check his voicemails. When he saw he'd gotten a call from Valentine, he sighed, pressed play, and raised it to his ear.

Gentle pub music thrummed in the background, and it was kinda peaceful. Then Valentine started talking, "Luke! My main man! My main wolf! What happened? Firs, you was with me, and then yous with Joceface. I mean, bros before hos man, right?" He then proceeded to sing, "You've got a friend in me" a few times before he hung up.

Luke just simply set the phone down, "Oh, by the Angel, he's drunk." He sighed, looking over at Jocelyn.

The adult Nephilim looked back at him, "Dear, check my phone, please."

Luke scrolled through his spouse's phone, clicked on the omnious voicemail then put it on speaker. Valentine was humming lightly and hiccupped lightly, then giggled at himself. "Man, I thought you could hang. Then you dumped me, for like no reason. I'm a good guy, baby. Sure, I got you pregnant with a demon, and am the reason your bf is a doggie, I've constantly tried to kill you and our kiddies… So why'd we break up?" The call ended.

Jocelyn just slowly shook her head, looking at Luke as he set phone down. She patted him on the arm, then nodded, "We can kill him now."

Luke began to wolf out, "Already working on it."

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A/N: YAY! I FINALLY FINISHED IT!

But I still have a ton more holidays to go…

That's why I made this chapter extra long for you guys : D!

Sorry guys. These last weeks of school, the teachers seem to like to give us extra work.

I'M SO SORRY!

Please review, favorite, and follow. It means a lot. Thanks Xx


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